i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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