just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
