I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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