dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
