I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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