"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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