so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
