And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
