Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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