I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
