I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
