Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I want to be your penis for a week.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
