so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
