I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
