There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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