can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
