so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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