doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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