what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
