drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
