ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
