Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
