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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
