I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did I show you my penis last night?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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