You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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