You work out of a Hotel?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
