Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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