I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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