Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
