you have to choose: penises or morals?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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