The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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