do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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