Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
