And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
