is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
