Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
