Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
