Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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