I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
