people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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