So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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