but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
