Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
