yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
