I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
