i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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