So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
