last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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