my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
