Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
