Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
